The American Revolution As People
This is all based on shit I know, so it's probably not correct.-- So a long motherfuckin' time ago, there was a little teenager. This asshole didn't have a name. He was the lovechild of his mother Britain and his father France. He was raised mostly by family, namely Holland and Spain (among others), as well as the neighbor kids, like Iroqois and Acadia and shit like that. Eventually, France and Britain got into a fight over who owned what. France eventually got so angry that he allied up all the neighbor kids, and attacked Britain, as well as the teen. Britain didn't really care much, but tought the teen how to defend itself, and sent it out on the frontlines. The teen was badly beaten up, but Britain decided "what the hell" and intervened, winning France's vacation home. Anyways, since Britain owned most of what it wanted to in that neighborhood, Britain departed and wished her son good luck on it's own. Her son was angry at this, and aged into a rebellious teenager. He desperately wanted to matter to Britain. Britain didn't care, and never let her son have any matter in financial or political matters. The kid was enraged, and decided, well. Fuck it. I don't need to depend off of Mom. I have other relatives. So the boy went to his other family members, like France. France and the boy were on good terms now- they both hated Britain. So Britain was all like "oh hell no, not in my house" and basically said. No. Listen. You're MY son. France is not your father. Stay away from France. And with that, the boy was grounded. The boy tried to make a point that he was grown up and didn't need to depend on her, but if he did, he deserves a say in political/economic matters. Britain said you don't get a say in anything, but since you want to be treated like an adult, you have to pay me rent. You want bread? You pay me for that bread. You want a piece of paper? You pay me for that paper. This bothered the boy. He wanted to be treated better. He went to his brother to the north, but his brother didn't care and decided to down a bottle of maple syrup whole. So, what happened, was that the boy attacked his mother, and went to France for help. France came to the neighborhood, and gave the boy financial support. The boy fought and fought, but it was clear he was never going to win. But the boy didn't look down. He gave himself a name- AMERICA. America set himself a standard to live by- Dammit, after Britain, he would rule the neighborhood. Unfortunately, America soon lost motivation. Britain brought in a navy, and although France was trying to hold them off, he couldn't survive without any money. Then came Prussia, to the rescue. Prussia tought his cousin how to fight like they did in his neighborhood, and America came back revitalized. America fought and fought, and cornered his mother at the harbor. Britain tried to escape, but France showed up just in time, and Britain gave in. AMERICA was his own country now. Britain would come to resent this- because she had shown a sign of weakness she would have to eventually let her other colonies become their own nation. For once, the sun almost set on Britain's land. Then America was a street urchin, but that's not important.